Thankfully Different

Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Cyber Monday rushing and running are over but it seems everywhere people just dash away, dash away, dash to the mall. Christmas and New Year are coming fast and everyone seems to be talking about decorating the house, getting the tree, mailing presents and gift cards, adorable advent calendars and driving to go see the best light displays. All of which is fine, but please, grab a cup of coffee or your eggnog, sit back and relax. Before we all rush head long into tomorrow's plans, I want to ask, how was your Thanksgiving? Did you gobble till you wobbled or drive white knuckled through a major snow storm to get back home?

Our family had a pretty radical last minute change of plans and I had to throw dinner together on the day, however like a lot of events in our lives, it turned out to be a gift I didn't expect but now really appreciate. Normally, around this time of year we stuff and truss our 2001 CR-V with pillows, blankets, luggage, Christmas gifts and emergency toilet paper and drive the 6-8 hours to Denver to visit our family and friends for the holiday. This year did not go as planned. I'd done all the laundry we'd need and packed all our bags. I had gas in the tank, a fresh oil change and even packed bottled waters and allergy safe snacks. We had planned to meet my husbands best friend, his wife and our God son for Asian fusion downtown on the 16th street mall (we never get out to eat) but we didn't make it past our driveway. My husband got sick.

The funny thing is, we would have driven hours to rush to meet our friends for dinner, then it turns out the home we were going to be visiting for the official turkey feast the next night ended up having 10 people, 4 dogs and a contentious football game playing on the TV (as I later found out from family who attended). We would have had one day spent trying to catch up with everyone while they shopped the Black Friday bargains, then it would be back on the road for 6-8 more hours and a marathon of getting unpacked, washed and ready for Monday morning. I can only imagine how all the noise, food smells, pets and excitement would have been for my son. People don't really understand sensory issues until they live with someone who deals with them day in and day out, and even then sometimes we get caught up in all the other things going on in our lives and you don't see when you are setting yourself up for exhaustion and failure.

Because we stayed home, we picked up a few of the items we wanted for dinner at the store. It was a little busier than usual but not bad. Since I didn't have time to thaw a bird we got pre-cooked ham steaks, rolls and cranberry sauce, Campbell's green bean casserole, sweet potato, homemade mash and a frozen pumpkin pie. I didn't try to change anything or impress anyone. My son and his Nana played quietly at the table with his little people while everything cooked. That night our little family sat down around our kitchen table with a simple dinner and I felt truly thankful and grateful. Grateful for the blessings of food, warmth, and family. Thankful that things had turned out differently than we planned. I hope I can remember that feeling through the coming Christmas season and I hope we can share it together, as a gift to one another.

Flick'n Aioli aka Eating Out with Autism

First, let me just start with some honesty, our family doesn't go out to eat much. I don't mean driving thru Burger King or eating at the park, I mean we almost never go out to a sit down restaurant as a family. If you have someone with Autism in your family you can probably relate. This is a big part of why I was so happy when my sister-in-law, her husband and our 3 nieces came to town during their vacation. When we are all together, we go out and do great stuff we'd never normally do. We visit National Monuments, Gardens and . . . (bum, bum, bum) Restaurants. Because I knew the whole family was coming and when they would arrived, we had planned to go out to a local place that while pricier than I would like, had a exciting menu and pretty good reviews on yelp and google. A lot of places can get a little busy and louder as the night went on, so I thought okay, If I'm careful and prepared I can cover all the bases and this will be awesome. I made sure my son had eaten a little before we left so he wouldn't have a meltdown over being hungry and I packed some organic chicken spread so we could spread that on toast just in case (my son has both sensory issues and a lot of allergies, he can and will only eat a limited menu) the menu might be too exciting for children. I packed fun, distracting toys not just for him but also his cousins and just in case the wait was longer than expected or we wanted to have dessert I even packed an emergency back up never before seen new toy.
You know the old saying, Those who fail to plan, plan to fail? Yeah, well the night was so disappointing that nothing could have had me prepared for :
Excited that the whole family is going out (even grandma) we all start out with a little light shopping and stroll downtown, then I drive back home to pick-up grandma who can't do the strolling so she would like us to come get her when its time to go to the restaurant, entering the restaurant the family all sits and wait for a table, (the room is starting to get loud) we finally, get a table and then have to wait again to order, (I pull out distraction #1 Lego kit) have to wait longer for drinks to arrive, (Lego have failed, no problem we go for a short walk) we return and I order plain white toast as I did pack emergency chicken spread in my bag, wait even longer for just plain white toast (room is really getting loud now, losing containment) try diversion #2 car sticker book I bought just for tonight (fail due to both hunger and loud noise) Finally, salads and toast arrives "thank heaven", but oh no it's not plain white toast, this is some sour dough artisinal confection covered in AIOLI !!!!
I DESPERATELY BEGIN TO TRY FLICKING OFF TOAST COVERED WITH AIOLI (my hungry son in full sensory overload won't touch it).
I take him home without eating anything. Comforting myself with a cup of coffee at home and feeding child in peace and quiet.

Painting . . . the floor

I often don't realize that my son is ALWAYS watching me. We had one of those wonderful "I see you" moments yesterday. Let me start out by saying I am not one of don't touch this, don't spill that kind of moms. Everything in our home is washable. If you can break it: we probably owned it, broke it, and then I had to throw it out. In fact I was given a few beautiful antiques when a great aunt passed away and I had to let them go as I constantly had to worry about little man knocking them over or trying to sit or climb on them. All those long spindly legs had to go. I think all white homes are beautiful, but realistically there is no way we could live there. I don't know if its a boy thing or just my little guy, but I would live in constant terror if I had a linen couch and white floors.

So after 10 years in our home you can imagine all the glow in the dark play putty, blueberry juice, and turmeric stains we had in our carpet. I say had because . . . I just kinda went for it. Maybe it was lack of sleep, or all the (its so simple even you can do this) Youtube videos or it could have been I just couldn't stand it. I pulled up all the tack strips and carpet foam and cut out my carpet in our dining area and started painting. Now I did not sand or patch or prime, I simply grabbed a 2" paint brush and gallon of Kilz Over Armour and began painting. That is when he saw me. I caught little man watching me paint our floor with a mixture of humor (I was painting a floor after all) and confusion (aren't we supposed to try not to get paint the floor ?) Here is how its looking. Wish me luck on the living room.

How do you explore ?

The more I explore my mysterious son the more I learn he has a whole world he wants to share with me. Both my husband and I are very verbal, whereas our son's primary language seems to be physical. His secondary language seems to be music and sound, and spoken English squeaks in somewhere around maybe 5th or 6th. So as the spoken word is not his primary language. I need to adjust how and what I teach in a way that supports the way he interacts with the world. So how does the rubber hit the road? This means we do NOT have a beautiful homeschooling room with a million YouTube views. We do NOT have vintage school desks to sit politely at, nor are there Ikea cubes stuffed with books and curriculum. This is not to say we don't share our bedtimes snuggled up with Beatrix Potter. But, Mr. Toad has never been as fun or engaging as a trip to the reptile garden to touch a toad.
 I don't have everything figured out yet
and I would love advice from the travelers
who have been down this path before.
The weather in South Dakota is finally
becoming nice enough to spend time outside
with our bicycle and going on walking
and hiking trails. I am looking forward
to enjoying all the sunshine and new things
that spring has to teach us both.

Rising to the Challenge

     As delicate shoots of green, tease from under icy white and matted brown winter, I think now is a good time to talk about new beginnings. I have come to understand the miracle of small things.

Sean has been doing ABA therapy for 7 months now and we have started to hear our first real words. From initial letter sounds like puh, buh, and oo we have moved on to "U-p", "E-tuh" and "Baw". My fathers heart soars every time he is called pa-pa and now there is a name for ga-ga. This has not been easy and my 10 year old still struggles hard for hours a day to reach what so many children gain effortlessly by their first 12 months.
     I have also come to realize that my approach to homeschooling was based on my strengths and the way I felt most comfortable teaching. I am a VERY verbal/visual person. I can't think of anything more fun than a day spent sharing coffee and scrapbooking. I am not even remotely mechanical or musical. Everything from cars to kitchen sinks are terrified of me, as I have zero engineering aptitude and heaven help you if you hear me singing, as I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

It would appear my child is as different from me as summer is from winter. Music is something he seems connected to and he may as well be built of puzzles, gears, cogs and wheels. If it can be built or better yet deconstructed he will find a way. It is not his Autism but who he is as a person that has me re-evaluating everything I thought I was going to do during our homeschooling and how we are going to go about exploring the world together.

F is for Fire Truck

     Letter F: our foray into homeschooling curriculum selection. Let's just start by saying there are several great options at just about every price level you could imagine. I loved the softer pace and natural tones of Waldorf, but the price tag left me gasping for air. I loved the child centered focus of Montessori but I don't have an extra room for all those materials and it was expensive too. Some of the Traditional Core Knowledge (both secular and religious) 1st Grade style kits were a little more affordable but we are not at one grade level for our Math, Writing, Science and Language. Not to mention we're doing ABA for 6 hours a day. So, in what is becoming typical fashion for us we, are doing something different.

     I am pulling together our own curriculum, loosely based around the  LOTW or "Letter of the Week" concept. Loosely because we're not doing one letter every week. We are going at our own pace and we aren't starting at the front of the alphabet, thanks to theories behind Kumon and Handwriting without Tears. We are starting with the Letter F. I'm including mostly free printable lessons taken from great blogs around the internet, some toys and crafts to supplement and keep our interest high and to round things out trips, adventures and theme snacks.

Autisee - Our Journey Begins

October 13, 2016 . . . The official date signed on our Application for Public School Exemption Certificate SDCL 13-27-3. It has taken us six years to come to this point. We have encountered great teachers and mediocre teachers, aides and therapists and classmates who have run the gamut from lost, confused and untrained to deeply motivated advocates of education, enlightenment and acceptance. 
Unlike many who choose alternative education, it is not because my son had any particularly bad experience or event during his public education. We don't have a religious or ethical issue with our district. What we face is the desire to overcome the challenges of a diagnosis of Autism with an opportunity to use curriculum and therapies that will lead to the best possible outcome for my son. The State of South Dakota has allowed me to home school and I can't wait for our journey to begin.